Grief is much more than sadness, crying, or missing the person.

Grief is a journey.

Grief is staring out into space not able to do anything but be. Grief is needing solitude. Grief is feeling really tired. Grief is discovering who you are without them. Grief is a loss of interest in who you used to be.

Grief transforms you.

And there are many nuances to grief…

Currently, I am noticing the grief of my dad becoming a distant memory.

When a dear loved one you devoted your life to every single day is gone, overtime it starts to feel more familiar to be in this world without them. Whereas in the beginning, it feels more unfamiliar and shocking, when grief is raw and you are in the mourning stage.

Everyone’s grief timing is different and you have to trust your own timing. Grief never goes away. You learn to live with it. Grief has its cycles and it won’t stay the same. 

The first three months I felt like a plant pulled out from my roots after my father died. And then suddenly one day the feeling totally changed. I rooted to myself.

Now it’s starting to feel more familiar without him. How could somebody that made up such a huge part of your life and heart become a distant memory?

Even though I talk with him on the other side, and I feel both of my parents on the other side, it’s still not the same as them being alive as humans. Grief sits right beside my new relationship with my parents as souls only. 

Being on this planet without parents, without a partner, friends nor family as roots, I really feel myself alone in this world right now.

Of course, fear and loneliness course through me in waves but it’s not my core. Those feelings come and go, and I don’t identify with them.

Death transforms you.

I feel home within me. I feel home with the goddess. I feel sovereign in myself. I realize radical self sovereignty is part of my path and that is why I feel at peace. I have finally fully anchored within.

The death of my father catalyzed this.

Reaching this particular summit of self sovereignty is part of my dharma but it may not be a part of yours. We each have our own dharma in this lifetime. No matter what your dharma is, death creates the alchemical crucible that catalyzes it.

Grief and dharma are distinct best friends.

Give yourself all the space and time you need to grieve, however it shows up. You won’t feel normal for a while and that is OK. Let the grief waves take you. Rest in the fatigue. Do less. Feel your feelings. The transformation will just happen. You don’t have to make it happen.

All you have to do is keep your heart open to grief and do your best to not be hard on yourself or judge yourself or compare yourself to anybody else.

Grief is a part of life and an ally.