leo moon blah blah blahing

been in vegas. mom got results back that the chemo is killing the cancer. very good news. hope is restored. life is both strong and fragile. i am feeling almost too solid. where are the tears? my tummy has been swelled up like a full moon despite healthy eating. i am holding. i don’t know how to release. i am my own best trickster complete. the sun is bright on this slightly chilly morning. my dad’s night sweats stopped last night. i made the decision to stay in seattle. nothing feels wrong or right. i am simply making choices i know are best for me. it’s hard to put myself first but it’s the lesson. so many lessons. why is this the lesson? the lesson goes deeper than me. how many times can i say lesson on one blog entry? lesson lesson lesson, going deeper than me into the sacred well of the collective unconscious, into the divine feminine. for the feminine energy to come into balance with the masculine, she must rise up and put herself first. she won’t be saved. she will save herself. i am a little piece of the collective divine feminine. how do i know all this and what is knowledge? i know by a deep feeling inside. not an emotion, but a sixth sense feeling; intuition. what is knowledge? creativity, i think. i am listening to the creative voice of evolution whisper into my ear, telling me to differentiate. i am the planet’s holy child. i am a star bringing the human dream through my fingertips. we are all in this together. i am writing without thinking. the moon is in leo and i feel liberated from cancer moon’s tender feelings. what can i say? i treasure the fire. mom comes outside and we talk about the sadness of me leaving and can i live here? tears us both apart. sacrifice. i am unsure if i am doing what is right. back to that again. like the man i am mingling with, we don’t know what the connection is. how do you know anything? i know the spiritual things such as soul lessons because my intuition gives a strong yes. i don’t know the physical things like where to live and who to be in partnership with, the emotions are in flux and the intuition is silent. the lesson of knowing the physical things is discernment. maybe discernment opens up the intuition?  just because something feels good doesn’t make it right. being torn is only a mental story. my friend tells me to keep a curious mind. i am a curious explorer. i will know more later…

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