scorpio moon saturday babbling…

finding incredible peace being alone and working. i really needed to not socialize or interact and just read my book and write my paper. it soothes and nurtures me to work these days. funny but it’s true. the quiet and focused structure feels good. my introverted and intellectual aspects are being fed and this is calming down the passionate longing and fearful animal that must surrender and trust right now in life. or maybe always in life. i look forward to graduate school being over and being able to use this energy to write my next book. i have learned discipline a second time around (first time is when i wrote my first book). this time around, discipline has become more of a comfort than a push. when life is scary, work is an anchor. being alone is not being alone, it’s a return to source, to oneness, to the sanctuary of spirit. doesn’t need to be religious or mystical in nature. spirit is everything. mercury is retrograde and i feel it hard-core. it’s as if the external world is connected to me only lightly. the stress of the growing racist white nationalist voice in this country is a call to stand against. i will do so with love. just letting the words flow. weird dreams last night. cheeseburgers were involved. and my work place. the sky is blue and moon is scorpio today. leo sun and scorpio moon, this is opposite my friend’s signs. i suppose the fact that it is leo season, leo eclipse, leo new moon means making it all about “me” is the key. sometimes we are each in our own universe and the storylines of the individual do not live in the collective narrative. it feels very much like this right now. i don’t feel i am in the same movie with my friends and family. i feel each of us inside our own narrative. sometimes it is between you and god, goddess, nature, universe, ram, whatever word you use to describe the higher power. i am tuned into this frequency right now as it feels like leo’s version of mercury retrograde. a sacred time to check in with your personal narrative with spirit. my narrative has a lot of shadow elements rising up. i am honoring and releasing the shadow anger, envy, fear, sorrow, worry, confusion, and lust i feel so that it does not solidify into identity. i am releasing shadow into the basin of the goddess, into the core of the earth, the middle of sea. i keep wanting to work with the dragons. life is so friggen chaotic and yet the order inside of chaos is apparent. i am surrendering into the order inside chaos. we are always held and loved by mysterious spirit…

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