serious monday thoughts…

the drastic change from hot and dirty skies to grey and cool weather is tripping me out. my windows are closed, sandalwood incense burns, feeling like sleeping more, not sure what season it is. gonna have to force myself to do my practice this morning cause i would rather cozy up and not be physical with my body. yesterday i painted all day long. felt so good to have an entire day alone painting with nothing to do but that. needed it. the painting is almost done. some trickster like figure is facing the ego, it seems. what else would it be during these times when i am heavily into shadow integration, awakening the trickster, and going through hard stuff in my life? then there is the worldly strife. the president being very much himself and the reactivity of the masses as white supremacy rears itself from the shadow where other presidents made sure it stayed hidden. it was there all along and it was growing. now there is no more hiding. it’s fucking horrifying but i am not shocked. my thoughts are in the practical realm of “what do we do about this to change it?” my feelings feel sad and angry. i think about martin luther king and how he was able to organize people to protest in an intelligent and powerful way that worked. these deeply rooted psychosocial diseases take a long time to heal. meanwhile people are dying and being treated less than human. heart break. i do believe we are healing racist disease and as we heal those who cling to racism as their way are rising up, fighting for their life, indoctrinating new generations. the war contiues. i honestly cannot understand racism in my heart. i understand logically how racists operate and i can analyze it psychologically and know the roots…yet my heart just does not get how anyone can believe their race is superior or should stay pure or in control of a country. just writing the those words make my heart shrivel into a dehydrated pea. but no, i wont allow racists to shrivel my heart. i will stand strong and radiant against them with a heart that burns the truth brightly. we are all equal, end of story. sometimes we must take a stand, pick a side, and see the black and white stark truth. sometimes there are no grey areas. with racism there is no middle ground. you have to stand against racism and anything that what wants to destroy equality, wholeness, truth, love, harmony, and justice. you have to because you are human and you have a heart. you have to do this inside and outside. against inner and outer tyranny. it’s a faction of living. these days, with so much strife and intensity going in, i find myself transcending reactivity and accepting what life is presenting. this is the country right now. war is real. strife is real. racism is happening. what are we going to do about it? my mom has cancer. it is real. i don’t live near my parents. we have to accept what life is presenting and make the best choices possible. i accept what is happening. i paint, i love, i fight, i stand against, i heal, i live this human life.

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