inspiration balances and the artist rebirthing…

last night was inspiring. i read a book for pleasure for the first time in i don’t know how long and then i wound up at an art event filled with beautiful paintings showing marginalized communities in seattle and the people who advocated for equality and justice. there was also live jazz and a fashion show for women who transcend the lame version of beauty standards our culture adheres to. really needed some time away from psychology, work, and talking. needed quiet time with the artist in me. she is alive and kicking. watching that jim carry documentary woke the artist back up in me because his words felt like my words and the place from which he paints within is the same place i paint within. some people paint what they see on the outside. i paint what i see on the inside. the paintings last night were of the outside, of people and community…yet the style of the artist’s work and emotion in the pieces moved me. the live jazz moved me. i love live jazz. i felt for a moment like i was in new york and missed it. this is the reason i prefer urban life. for the art and for the community.  seattle is becoming so expensive, like san francisco. it’s a real shame. rents are skyrocketing. no reprieve in sight, it seems. corruption increases until we make it decrease. dreamed wild chaotic dreams last night. feeling the wild within me wanting an outlet. been seized by emptiness this past week. comes in bouts. yesterday i felt it loom large but inspiration banished it, just like it did the day before when i painted. my heart is sullen and my mind is overwhelmed. i seek inspiration and enrichment to balance me out. i cannot cave. i am in the center of myself. the dirty air is forcing more yoga and less jogging, which is helping me too. sometimes yoga i need just to survive the storms inside. painting i need to survive too. nothing about this world is easy on the heart but i am learning to be at ease with what is hard…

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