there is a saying that repetition is magic. if this is the case, i had a very magical weekend writing my paper with my butt planted in a seat in an air conditioned cafe. did full moon ritual yesterday evening and felt so good to return to my roots. had been a long time since i did ritual. it was powerful. i feel i am getting back to myself again. wound up recalling a dream that came to me when writing a paper on displacement. a desire to stay on the hill and do something that bridges creativity and community. another version of the vision i have for the mental health field. not something to talk about here in blog but the part of this i want to jot down is how i feel inside about staying on the hill. a longing mixed with a feeling that there is no way i could do such a thing. then i immediately think of this certain cafe owner on the hill and how he grew up here and as an adult owns two businesses. he is like an avatar of roots in my brain. i have to recognize that i feel a certain devotion to where i live. i have to recognize the longing in my heart to devote. i have to recognize that there is a longing in me to root too. to root and build and devote. it is the first thing that came alive post-ritual. i am watching the hill change all around, becoming more and more gentrified as everything does in our imbalanced culture. but there are still the old school places, the artists, the homeless, the mentally ill, the pagans, and the lgbtqia community threaded throughout the amazon invasion of normals and their high end establishments. i don’t hate the amazon workers. i don’t have anything against people just because they are doing what culture is paving the way for them to do. being aware is not easy. it’s a process. i love all people and understand how each type gets to be who they are, from the normals to the homeless, we are doing what we know how to do and i am not going to judge the shoes you walk in. but if i do judge it’s cause i am pissed off and sometimes i judge like hell too. i am not a mountain top sitter. the normals, they have the money to buy art from the artists. i see a bridge between the two. then everyone with a home and an income from all the groups on the hill can come together to help the homeless and mentally ill. we could fight for rent control. we could make the hill a role model. anyhow. this topic is too long for blog and i am tired. it is monday. the sky is blurry. my mind is slow. gonna have to jog this off to be present…i am still in yesterday. happy full moon.