karmic baby 101…

yesterday was a very weird day. apocalyptic smokey hot humid weather. could not work on my paper at all but tried. thing is, when i read it yesterday, i hated it and and could not hear my authentic voice within it. could not find it either. but found it talking to my friends about a future vision bridging creativity with the severely mentally ill. we took a break from working to walk through seward park and i was not having it. so hot and miserable from mooning, but despite that experience, something deep arose within me. the birthing of everything karmic and wounded in my ancestry wanting out, along with the blood and unfertilized egg. i know that sounds gross but the air is gross right now and i am feeling gross from sleeping in sweat too. i felt i could birth the baby of my karmic wounding. it was a powerful trickster vision. had i been around a bunch of pagans i might have performed ritual on the spot but the moment passed. i still have this karmic baby to birth. how will i do it? started writing a letter in the evening to get things rolling and i will do this. in other news, it dawned on me, in all the grossness yesterday, that the guy meant for me will come into my life and we will be happy together. i know it. i don’t feel emotional charge around it or the wounds of romantic love. i think it’s cause i am birthing the karmic baby. i am letting go of the wounds not mine that i have carried. i have already let go of the sexual wounding. all that is left is a wide open space. i see what i have to offer and feel happy with myself. it all feels very simple. i have patience too. yoga really helps with that. yoga has saved my life, really. i know that might sound annoying but it’s true. yoga eradicates anxiety, gives me patience, makes my body strong and connects my mind to body. this allows me to live in peace as an animal. pretty cool.

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