was so much fun posting the humorous instagram pic mocking my culture but nobody got it except my friends who were in on helping me write the funny hashtags. humor is saving me right now. binge watched the bitch in apartment 23 on netflix. that show cracks me up. it’s intelligent humor that is masked behind stupid humor, one of my favorite forms. it’s a mocking humor. i guess i like the mocking humor right now. i mock myself too. like when i used to make my susan bloomfield videos about the new age guru. i was making fun of myself. anyhow, humor is getting me through because life is hard and strange right now. talked to somebody else who also feels that something collectively horrible is about to happen, like nuclear war or a cataclysmic event. the usual torn and sad inside for what is going in my life plays like a broken record in my mind and i am watching it, not attaching to the story, while honoring my feelings and letting them express. writing my paper if providing discipline that actually soothes me. i am good at being disciplined because it makes me feel good. the heat is not bothering me right now, to be honest. i am under the water so maybe that’s why. my feelings are stronger than the heat, stronger than the mental dilemma, stronger then the baby waves of anxiety that cannot compare to the deluge of telluric power i feel in my emotional body that language has no words for. i am a restless animal filled with phosphorescent light. gonna take myself on a jog to burn off energy. dreamed about saying to somebody that i do not have a home. some person drove all the way up to the top of the continent on the east coast and i watched it on a map, wishing to go there. dreamed my dad walked away from an area of some house and left a bunch of open cigarette boxes as if he’d been smoking from ten different packs. yesterday i expressed a desire, like the character in gypsy, to be free from it all. maybe that’s what is showing up in my dream, my own free spirited gypsy tied to nothing. we all have our shadow selves….