muttering on monday…

weird intense dreams left me with a dream hangover. do you get those sometimes? i am still so tired but i feel different this morning. i feel new. can’t explain it. looked at my solar return chart for the first time (like really looked at it) and realize this is the oracle of the year and why did i not look at it sooner? my entire predicament is in the chart. the solar return chart is like a tarot reading for the year. so now i know that the polarization taking place in my life is needing an integration through surrendering a certain aspect of my identity. ok, got it, easy. just kidding. surrendering is never easy for the ego. but when i know what i need to do, i do it. do the hard things so you don’t feel like shit for not doing them and still have to them but with guilt on top. got lots of work done on my paper and my mom is having a better day. it’s the little things, for real. the sky is blue and i have a busy day. moon’s in scorpio and venus goes into cancer in about an hour. watery day. feeling it. not much to say. the last dream: driving in a car with a friend after spending the morning in a strange rental apartment making coffee in the microwave with some car fixing liquid i mistook for almond milk that the old landlord guy said is fine to drink, perplexing me. the apartment is run down and awkward but i feel strangely comfortable in it. in the car now at 12:46 in the afternoon i ask my friend to call her husband to see if he is coming home soon so she can drive me home. then i start talking about how he was the first person i felt insecure about being spiritual around. she asked me where i was at with my spiritual evolution/story. i said, “same” and felt solid inside. my alarm went off and i woke up heavily sedated. anyhow, not much else to report. time to do yoga. blah blah blah…how many mondays do you feel like it’s back onto the hamster wheel? i enjoy what i do so it makes a big difference. just need another day or two or three to let it all go. time is moving too fast…the usual.

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