monday unravels…

not much to say. yesterday was productive and i was absorbed in every bit of it, as if the tasks were sponges and i was water. i ate a lot of bready carbs at lunch and i think it really helped me to focus on my paper, hard core. bread carbs are great brain food. i find that when i cut too much down on them, my mind is not able to concentrate and i am more in the physical body than the mental body. it’s always a balancing process. always. making sure not to cut out too much of any one thing to achieve some over manipulated result. making sure to not be too rigid while relying on discipline like its a spiritual father. i have very little energy right now for communicating with a lot of people or hanging out with friends. i don’t have much to give. my energy is absorbed by my mom, school, and internship. i have hardly any room left after that and finding some solitude. i know the friends who really love me on a soul level will understand. those who don’t, oh well. i don’t care about disappointing others right now. the shadow side of libra is on vacation. my priorities are reorganizing. my heart is working extra hard. reality is so potent, right now. this week we will hopefully find out the test results for my mom. it’s a big week. it’s also a long week at work because i have training days after internship days. then two days off to write my paper followed by internship and then on a plane to vegas, finally, i can’t wait to get there. that’s about all i have to say. focus is on finding presence this morning. dreams were very intense. in this one dream i wanted to go to a basketball game for my birthday, and invite this seattle coffee shop owner, an old friend from high school and this one other friend who lives in portland. i was trying to text them but could not seem to get the letters to be what i wanted them to be. the basketball game kept switching to a hospital. i was distraught. my dream ego is telling me that there are feelings in the shadow that are not sure how to juggle all this. not sure about the people in the dream. very random but its not. i am learning. gentleness is the thread. love is the…everything.

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