post plutonian full moon dribbles from the divine-animal…

the full moon brought up all the sadness and loss feelings but in a contained capricorn way. sometimes sacrifices are to be made. being near my parents is more important than being near my friends here. being near my parents is more important than the northwest. there are many perks to vegas. i love the desert, the sun, the nicer apartments for cheaper price, and the daily ease vegas provides is palpable. it’s easier to be physically active, healthier and happier there in winter and fall cause of the sun. lucky for me, i have no sense of home on the planet and i collect homes. so far i have collected vegas, seattle, new york, and missoula. i have returned to seattle four times in my life already and i may return again in the future. being in my mom and dad’s daily life is what my soul wants. it is an undeniable choice of yes. at the same time, i honor the sadness of leaving. i look out over the view i have loved for six years and give thanks. i give thanks to the cafes, bars, restaurants, and the city as a whole. most important, i give thanks to the many friend soulmates i have made here. pluto overtaking my north node in house twelve is asking for a sacrifice, service to spirit, surrender, and giving unconditional love. pluto takes my soul’s hand, leading me through my karma in a capricorn way steadily up the mountain, with rational understanding and a devoted routine that allows me to have energy for what i will face ahead. thank you to grad school and my internship for training me to handle endless amounts of writing, paper work, red tape, hoops, rules, and showing up with a sharp and focused left brain. thank you to the paper i am writing for teaching me how to tend to my deepest self and my family in balance, finding the pearls inside the viscous goop of being human. or something like that. i am wearing a garnet heart each day for my mom and now feeling like i need to wear a pearl each day too, as a symbol of the gift that is made from journeying through hard times and being present through mammoth life changes. thinking about white eagle telling me to connect with my ancestors. how to do this? we walked by a native american ceremony in the international district last night. their plumed head dresses seemed to fill my heart with a sense of security and wonder. we sang karaoke in a panic room, soaking in our dna soup, letting out the animal wails. i am no longer shy when i sound horrible singing and when i sing a song well it feels so good. there’s liberation in not caring about messing up or sounding bad. there’s freedom in not needing to give the world only a face of light and composure. in the car ride home, under the full moon, i could feel the divine-animal in me needing a restitution ceremony, needing to connect me to my folks to my ancestors to the planet to the stars back down to the ground water to fill my eyes with tears that slowly saunter down hot summer cheeks. life is so intense….

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