notes from pluto and mars, lit by the full moon….

i don’t even know what to say. so many emotions are coming out of this body and storming through this psyche. i just did a full moon mars sun opposing moon pluto thing by bringing my emotional reactivity down into the shadow and allowing my shadow to express her full on reactivity, which of course, is rooted in childhood, not the present. it is scary and intense to go there, as the body knows no time in its memory and feels things the way the child felt them. but this time, i brought my ego consciously down with me to the shadow and when i tapped the root of reactivity, my ego advocated for the hurt little shadow girl. only took about two minutes. so fast. once i expressed the shadow’s child like hurt and the ego advocated, i felt better and no longer reactive. my reactivity transformed into peace and understanding. i can see from this experience how mars sun cancer is totally an emotional advocate of nurturing. it wants to protect and care for the hurt places inside that pluto moon. but it can only do that by journeying to pluto moon. only through reactivity from some present conflict happening does the path to the underworld’s hurt shadow child become clear. in this way, reactivity is a map to the treasure chest. let the full moon begin. learning learning learning. when i am learning and mentally engaged i feel a happy sense of purpose. i am still on this trip about how we all get our meaning-making vitality from different elements. some of us find meaning making vitality in the mental narrative, in air. that would be me (my chart is mostly air, too). some people experience it in connecting with nature, in earth. some people discover it in doing and accomplishment, fire. some people find it in heart, feeling, loving, in water. it’s not just one element we derive vitality from and it can change too. all of the above. just really paying attention to what element of meaning-making raises my life force and gives me vitality, right now in my life, as i face an unspeakable grief and journey through surrender. always seeking balance…

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