too much to say…

it’s become clear to me this past week that i want to move back to vegas once i graduate because being close to my folks feels more important that being in seattle. it make take a little longer to get licensed in vegas, i think i will need to take more classes, not sure yet…but the extra time is worth the outcome. i can make a life in vegas for myself for the next chunk of years, be near my parents, and have peace of mind. sometimes life requires sacrifice. i see the decision, i see the scales, and i know what is right in my own heart. i am somebody who has lived in many places. virginia, wisconsin, new mexico, new york, montana, oregon, california, washington…it’s easy for me to relocate. vegas was once a home and it can be a home again. the positive of vegas, aside from my parents being there, is lots of sunshine and cheaper rent. i am still contemplating although my life force fills with vitality and the feeling of right action when i contemplate this move happening.

i am working on having a more positive mind. did the whole “let go of the story” and not invest in mind at all thing and feel i mastered that for a few years, though i realize i never will stick to one path. i move through them, integrating the lessons and expanding into the unknown. right now, meaning making in the mind is a great passion i am embracing. i welcome the meaning making mind. i don’t see it as inferior. these days somatic work is the big wave in therapy world. i think it’s powerful.  for me, my somatic experience shifts more through the mind. when i have an a-ha or understand something in the mind, my entire body shifts, my nervous system heals. we all respond differently to techniques. some people heal through noticing feelings in their body and releasing them. for me, that only brings temporary healing in the moment. long term healing, i find through the meaning making of my mind. there is room for the variety. these days, there seems to be this air toward cognitive healing that makes it seems disconnected to the body. maybe it’s due to all the mind body connecting i have done over the years through yoga, but my mind directly connects to my body. the most important thing i have learned is that each person needs their own road map for healing and as healers, we are all called to our specialization. as i write my paper, i see how my specialization is highly cognitive. it is centered around awareness. deep awareness. unconscious awareness. it is depth psychology but my own version of it, bringing in my own versions of astrology and tarot. i suppose i follow my intuition the whole way through. i trust it. i trust my intuition more than anything else. more than feedback from others, more than systems of healing, more than any deity. i find my power in source within.

the sky is silver grey this morning. the full moon is coming up saturday in capricorn conjuncting pluto and opposing a sun and mars conjunction. my interpretation of this is about the underworld coming into the light of awareness, asking for us to understand the shadow through the rational capricorn light of feminine intuitive awareness. masculine sun mars oppose in cancer, the ego is driven to feel it all, which can be a bit scary with all that masculine drive activated in us. could look like the shadow coming out through feelings without awareness, if pluto moon is denied.  we need our intuion to bring understanding about these feelings and our shadow side. if our ego drive can take a swim into our shadow deeper self, a merging can take place. the ego will discover awareness through intuition as the shadow is revealed. awareness is healing because it removes blame and scapegoating. it removes denial, allowing us to own our part. this blog is getting long….finis.

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