babbling on saturday…

soon as i read jung’s stuff on the collective unconscious i dream about it. yesterday i read about the trickster and collective unconscious in general. it’s not his theory that does it, it’s literally his wording, his energy. this is why everyone has guru transmission. only when i read jung’s actual writing, even though it is translated to english, does it open my unconscious to the collective. i dreamed of the trickster, aka: shadow last night. of me being seized by it and by a cohort friend being seized by it. the trickster as jung puts it. the loss of consciousness. the battle and chaos. i cannot put it to words. i am being hyper aware right now because the shadow swooped in the moment i got news of my mom. my conscious self wants to be there for her every second and my unconscious self wants to return to the original primitive divine animal state that is us all. my heart is carrying weight. the only thing last night that brought levity was talking about jung and about the most shallow stuff like make up. i continue to get in touch with my personal shadow too. walking through south lake union, i too wanted luxury and success even though my light side sees the corruption and wants something else. something more true. acknowledging is the medicine for now. but like my dream last night, i know making art is the real key somehow. this is so much bigger than trying to control it. the feelings. loss. illness. time. the pain of being human lodged in the throat of the animal divine. i am carrying stones in my heart and turning them into rose quartz. how can i not empathize? tools, tricks, shit like that has never been my bag. i go deeper. i go in for the kill. for the the transformation. i am talking vague and grandiose because the words are free flowing now. no more trying to say anything. no more logic. no more need to express anything but just letting the mouth as keys drop open and spill. mercury in cancer. deep feelings. life and death. gain and loss. polarities. coconut oil and lancome pink eye shadow. collective unconscious and sinking into what is larger than me but still contained by nature here on the planet. where is my 5d consciousness? in a constellation looking down. not around. on vacation. i don’t know. i am not so interested right now. i am interested in what is here. the daily wretched news and the little animals on the ground. don’t take these words as solid nouns. they are shape shifting verbs. i am water, i am water. this is an expression no more solid than a prayer flag eroding in the wind or a sand mandala blowing away in a monk’s breath. my friend lent me her travel guitar an i am going to learn how to play. i want music so bad. i want to master the c chord. sound is a way…

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