desire to structure the invisible…

full moon in sag. and jupiter going direct. not full sentences blog. waking up at 10, one hour after going to bed, having lost all sanity for one minute. when you wake from a dream and are not in reality. the reality: evil in the room. not knowing where i am. time coming unhinged. smelling evil, feeling evil. (i don’t even believe in evil.) get up to go the bathroom and it wakes me enough to arrive back to sanity. feeling scared though. evil and i never touch. go back to bed, shaking it off. dream: wise voice telling that good and evil are only ways of perceiving reality that exist at a certain level of human development. evil is not real beyond a level of perception. the reason evil exists at this level of human development is to exercise where the mind will place energy and attention. good versus evil perception is a strengthening tool for the mind. i am told to place energy and attention on what matters to me and to remember that evil is not real beyond it being a perception. i remember this to be true upon waking. i remember my understanding as a multi-dimensional being, how duality does not exist past the fourth dimension. how within the structure of duality, fourth dimensional beings exist, though not made of flesh and blood, that are shadow creatures, that feed off pain. the entire experience may have been brought about by reading a metaphysical article on reptilians, saturn, and the myth of new agers. i channel my own myth about saturn and how “evil” all came about. the roots are not evil in and of itself. i feel evil is perception. i mean, everything is perception when it comes down to it, from our human understanding…but i am interested in the details of perception. i am interested in the architecture of perception. i want to see the details. i don’t live inside myth like a whale that has swallowed me up. i see the whale swimming through the sea. i see the sea. i am the sea. my interest is so much more metaphysical than psychological sometimes, but i have to choose psychology for now, since i am in grad school. it’s hard to focus on it when my desire it to focus on the metaphysical and the architecture of myth and perception. actually, they are probably the same thing. how to pull this all together into coherency? i don’t know yet….finis for now…finis.

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