yang, sacred marriage, surreality….

hello blog. i don’t want to write in your today but i am am anyway. i feel dull but peaceful. overwhelmed but trusting. extreme polarities are dancing cheek to cheek inside of me. i am practicing a new technique of not feeding a long held belief about my personal life in order to see if said belief was actually an excuse to keep an aspect of myself in the shadow. it feels wrong to take on this new belief and act upon it but i am doing it anyways. this is an experiment. i will find out if it is effective by the shifting of my external reality and internal reality. taking a very pragmatic and courageous approach to my self work right now. i am removing most emotional eating. pushing myself to work out more. forcing myself to not hold beliefs that feel right because evidence is showing the beliefs might be excuses. it all feels very yang, rational, disciplined and challenging. i am ready for this journey i suppose. all i can do is to keep peeling back my own layers of illusion, cleaning the mirror of my heart, and showing up in the present so that i am available to play the best role of michelle in this human game. the desire to escape is strong. the negativity vortex is strong. i watch both drives rail themselves up against a shield i have in place. while all this occurs so does the sacred marriage of love making polarities. a lot is happening beneath the surface. the mountains are crisp in the distance this morning and the sky is blue as a pancake. that makes no sense and i’d like to keep it that way. need some surreality to balance out all the yang energy i am engaging. ok, time to do all the things…

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