shifting toward the wellspring…

i don’t know what to say this morning. my body feels hyper in the limbs. kept waking up last night feeling this hyper feeling too. my brain feels dull. i have nothing to speak of that i have not already said. feel like my mind is processing so many feelings this vegas trip. the mortality of life, of my parents, of myself. the call to have my feelings be received and met for once, in a romantic union. dieting cause i gained weight. knowing i have to make next level lifestyle changes. self care thoughts, self love thoughts. learning how to face limitations with grace and how to feel sorrow without allowing it to slap me in the face. been watching a lot of tv. so many petty personality types on television. reactive and self centered. i mean, we are all self centered to a certain degree, but it’s like, there’s not an ounce of compassion or self-awareness in many characters on tv. the hallmark channel, wow, what a bunch of brainwash that channel is. they should call it the only rich white people channel. i admit, the world is leaving a sour taste in my mouth. i also admit, i am battling the negativity dragon. underneath the negativity dragon is a scared little girl though. she is wondering if she will be ok? i tap into my power. my soul. true essence. soon as i place my gaze here i can feel it. there is no need for security. no need to have something i do not have. even the soul hungers know their seeking is an adventure and not lack. i need to tap into my power more. i need to turn my gaze inward. this is the only useful place for me. if i stay tuned into my center, i can show up present for the world. sometimes the battle is about gaze. where is your gaze? what radio station are you tuned into? what thought stations are you listening to? i know in my heart of hearts that if i stay tuned in to my soul, everything on the outside will naturally adjust. those who are not meant to be close with me will keep their distance. those that are meant to be close to me will come close. there is no need to manifest anything or manage anything. life emerges from a magnetic place. loss and gain take turns with their dance partners, pleasure and pain. this is what i call the flow. it’s a way of living that has an energetic source nested in the divine feminine. it’s like the tao, sort of. enough thinking. time to stare into this beautiful morning and let my gaze shift toward the wellspring…

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