shadow birth and death, soul hunger, sunshine…

sunshine every day now. yesterday was amazing and powerful. i realized my soul hunger for water when i went swimming in a pristine lake where my friend lives. my heart opened wide and i knew that i am not meant to live in the city anymore and that somehow, some day, i needed to live on a lake. on the car ride home i cried because of how much i did not want to head back into the city. i also cried out of fear that i wasn’t allowed to leave the city because wanting to live on the lake was a material goal i could not partake of and that the city needed me. my friend pointed out the black and white thinking of that one. then i cried for an ex-boyfriend. a man i have loved more than any other thus far. he is connected with the lake. this all stems back to a ritual she conducted that sent shame down the drain. sending shame down the drain opened up my heart to the innocence of wanting to live on a lake with my husband. yes, husband. a strong desire to be married has emerged. not just partnered, but married. i loved taking my friends on their shadow journey. i had fun guiding them, it’s one of my favorite things to do. i felt the soulmate-ness of us yesterday. for whatever reason i am feeling soulmate love intensely right now. friend soulmates, lover soulmates, work soulmates, so many soulmates. i love my soulmates. there is unrest in my soul today. percolations. change brewing. real live death. interesting how the shadow has many facets. on the journey i took my friends on, parts that needed emerging from the unseen shadow came into the light for integration. for the shadow ritual they performed on me, shame was asked to leave the body and go down the recycled drain of life. sometimes the shadow holds aspects begging for acknowledgment and identity in the seen world and sometimes the shadow holds aspects that need to be let go of and to die. both are challenges. the challenge of letting a repressed part come into the light is equal to letting go of a part that is ready to die once and for all. shadow life and shadow death. i feel grateful to be in relationship with the shadow right now. i am feeling moved in ways i cannot explain in words yet. i will know more later…

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