gem in i thoughts…

i am officially on vacation and i cannot seem to wrap my head around it yet. i forgot how to let go. i need to clear my head on a long walk this morning. remind myself to trust the flow of deeper forces at work beneath the turbulence of what is seen on the surface. gemini new moon is about holding duplicity, embracing more than one perspective, more than one way, more than one love, more than one idea. i can do this. i can expand my mind and climb outside the boxes and confines of what is familiar. my mind is racing with half thoughts and edited thoughts. like, the moment i have a thought i think about the implication of this thought on a social justice level and wonder about my thought’s origin. looking through different lenses produces different results. for instance, we were talking about something psychological last night..what was it? damn, i forget…but the gist is…all these intellectual white men explain what indigenous cultures have known for a much longer time, but in out culture it’s not real unless being explained scientifically and intellectually, which is a world dominated by white men. at the same time, my favorite psychologist and writer is a white man. i don’t judge a book by the cover. it just so happens their privilege has allowed them to be the carriers of amazing thoughts. the thoughts are not theirs. we don’t own our thoughts. but since they are privileged most, they get to be the receivers of amazing thoughts because their thoughts are not fighting against oppressive forces all the time. it’s not black and white, i am speaking in broad strokes here, as plenty of oppressed minds open up to thoughts that contribute to knowledge and wisdom in the midst of unfair daily battles with ignorance. i am only fleshing out how social justice is interweaving into all of my thoughts. another example is, i was about to write that i needed to take a walk in order to trust the universe again and then i thought, oh that sounds like such a white privileged woman thing to say. and you know, it really is. i do have more privilege to experience trust in the universe because i am not fighting racism every day. at the same time, their are many targeted oppressed folks who have thoughts about trusting the universe…this makes me think of victor frankl’s book “man’s search for meaning” where he talked about how people in concentration camps who had hope of surviving and found meaning in their experience also had a better chance of surviving. this is what neito is talking about in her brilliant book “beyond empowerment, beyond inclusion” when she speaks of connecting with your source of inner power. this also is what cognitive behavioral therapy talks about when it says it is not the experience itself that causes suffering, but how to you think about the experience. both/and. these are the thought in my head. i respect the new awareness growing as i allow my mind to expand. i think that how we communicate is important. how you communicate can come across as flippant, cruel, kind, loving, hateful, on and on. gemini is a vital force. how we communicate is the gem in i. these are themes pouring into my mind. i feel tired this morning though. the thinking is not vibrant. i am a bit worn down. my soul is a bit weary. dreams were so intense last night. in one of them i was carrying a snake inside my shirt. wisdom of the shadow…my loyal companion…

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