today is the new moon in gemini. feeling a bit sluggish this morning. tired. much going on in the world and in my head. i don’t feel like blogging, would rather keep quiet instead. staring at the keys forcing words to bleed. ladeeda. slept heavy and raw. oh yeah, that’s right, last night i had my reoccurring nightmare. it’s been years since i had this dream and i thought it was over. in these reoccurring nightmares i shit out of my mouth. i know. it’s disgusting and horrid. i feel the same way in the dream. disgusted and horrified as shit keeps coming up and and out, not stopping, getting stuck in my all my teeth…in lasts night’s dream it was like cereal shaped too, little pieces. i was supposed to be in an intern meeting but it was a weird place. everyone was sitting on the floor in the dark. some woman held me and it felt like i was being held by the goddess, like being supremely nurtured. then i left and was walking in the freezing rain barefoot, wondering if i had gone insane because i had no shoes on and the cold wasn’t bothering me. i think this part of the dream spawned by seeing a barefoot young homeless mentally ill man on the street last night. i was walking behind him. he struck me. anyhow, the shitting out my mouth began shortly after i was walking barefoot in the cold. or before it, i don’t recall. but now i recall that i stepped in a puddle and sank in deep up to my knees. it was night time. i was stuck in ice cold rain water and trying to pull myself up with not much success, yet i was not trying that hard, i barely had any energy. no wonder i feel sluggish this morning. the entire dream was a picture of me losing my grace, sanity, purity, and being enslaved by an endless stream of cereal shaped shit forcing it’s way out of my mouth. can’t get more shadowy than this dream. what does this mean, gemini new moon? i will need to pull cards. i feel disturbed. no time to do a practice before work. better post this so i can at least pull cards before i head out. strange days….