psychobabble bubbling out after a strange day…

male allies are so healing. thank you to the friend who kool-aids. liberation is at hand. i am talking cryptic because i have to but just know that synthesis between shadow and ego is occurring. first i had to get trapped in the solution-less problem so that ego could humble and turn inward. ego had to stop trying to manifest, solve, fix, and do. ego needed to wade through the mucky goo of the underworld. ego had to stop deluding herself by living in fantasy too. all sorts of surrendering and giving up an addiction to a specific mind-set left the ego. did you know that the brain cannot really tell the difference between physical-reality and imagination-reality? fantasy-reality can become more nourishing than the physical-reality and this is why computer-reality can feel so nourishing too. the wafting away from earth into more ethereal, imaginative, and mental realms is avoidance when knocked off balance. avoidance becomes hard wired at a young age when traumatic events send the little brain of a child into a safe la-la land while the painful out-of-control things happen in the physical experience. trauma knocks the human off balance. i am synthesizing two disparate aspects that lost connection due to trauma in my own life. shadow and ego are synthesizing. i am not giving more weight or clout to one side or the other. i am not devaluing shadow or ego either. i don’t know what it’s gonna look like because this is not a solution with an outcome in mind. this is a synthesis between two sentient life forces having their love affair inside of me. deeper than that lives me the glow worm radiating electric blue light forever. glow-worms don’t get caught up in all the sentient aspects and their stories yet glow worms create these sentient beings and their stories. divine paradox is. i realize i am experiencing a high contrast of shadow and light right now because that’s the tension needed to break the chrysalis so that the butterfly may crawl out a new being that can fly. do i dare?

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