joanna, i love you…

today is the one year death anniversary of my friend joanna. i still feel just as sad and shocked that she is not here and i also know she is on the right path for her, wherever she is. it’s interesting that ducks have been a theme this week at school. i remember when joanna and i went to a park and a duck climbed onto her belly. this was before the cancer, but it was just about to happen. she would just be about express how much her tongue is hurting. it would start with her stomach not feeling good and she would wonder if it’s other issues related to the gut and intestines. this would befall her right when she got to a point of happiness in her life, with a new thriving massage practice, a life partner, and connecting with her soul. i still can’t really believe it. she was so healthy, beautiful, young, and vibrant. my mind gets it but my heart feels confused. i miss her being in this world. we did not spend much time together and i don’t regret not spending more, but i do regret not being more involved when she got sick. i regret not being there for her enough. i regret my head space. i was not present and showing up each day in my heart the way i am doing now in my life. joanna, where are you now? are you still watching your loved ones here on earth or have you reincarnated? are you a being in the immortal realm? the sky is a bit blue this morning. the moon is void of course. my mind is tired and heart weary from too much intense and heavy information about trauma and addiction. i am burned out from analyzing cases. day six of the gauntlet feels weepy and bendy. it is what it is and here i am. i will show up with heart. hello, this moment while i still have a body to witness.

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