leo moon fires rising and watching from a tree branch…

the shadows continue to leak all around and perhaps that’s why i feel it less within myself, because i tend to polarize the energies around me, almost like i was built to be placed in darkness so that my inner light can shine. at the same time, i find peace in the quietness outside activity, in the layers that are beyond the story, no words, no thoughts. these days the story is so active that if i participate in it, i may get sucked in to my same ole same ole. instead, i watch the story from a tree branch above as feelings course through. all the feelings. none are judged or marginalized. sorrow, anger. joy, frustration, despair, on and on. no censorship. to flow is to allow the totality of the human experience and not try to shun the shadow in favor of the light. not try to use the electro-magnetic field to get what i want from the outside or the inside, but instead to find ease with exactly what is happening. what i want to create is finding ease with exactly what is happening. ease in the discomfort of living. there are soul hungers. there are natural human desires we all share, i am on no mountain top with those. watching them too. there is no goal to rise above, it is more of a natural way of being, toward the desire. a grace that’s taken years of practice to discover. a softness toward my own inner deluge. what is the deluge all about? it’s like….a culmination of it all: humanity’s shadow, the rising the shadow, the crescendo, the zenith of what has been oppressed, repressed, suppressed, aching in the bones, leaving the bones, entering the wide open daylight air. i love the shadow. i always have. i feel phosphorescent inside of it, like an electric eel. anyhow, the moon is in leo. i have filled my head with too many perspectives from reading articles last night. i dreamed one of the most intense dreams of my life last night, where i was putting on a movie or play about the demise of the psyche, using children as actors and literally showing how they were being hurt. i wasn’t using abuse literally, but it was like, all these little toddlers were singing tunes about becoming little slaves or something. creepy and powerful. i think about all of us as children and how little the mental stories matter in the beginning and yet how human nature, even at the age, creates cliques, upsets, divisions, boundaries, hierarchies and complexity. it is the way of nature. i am hunting the heart and wearing some sort of safari hat through the thickets of all that is rising currently, feeling the contrast maximize. i don’t know how else to explain it…

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