back to monday. slept hard. dreamed about my teacher and a dog. was taking an old golden retriever to be put down, from its owner. the leash went around its torso like a girdle and i was forced to lift the dog up because it would not walk. my teacher saw me and smiled, she said something i cannot remember but the interaction stands out because i rarely dream about her. i know if she shows up, it’s some form of message. why was i putting a sweet doggy down? what i am putting to death here? who knows. i feel something dying though. maybe it’s about loyalty to the old kingdom. that statement is what my teacher brings up a lot. it’s a powerful statement. i have been feeling my loyalty to the old kingdom dying. no longer do i feel it necessary to love myself less for my flaws or think i need to be better to deserve love. love. it’s always about love. port townsend awakened a lot of surreality in me. i feel the creative fire lighting brighter…though admittedly, i am also quite tired. both/and as we say at saybrook. high contrast. temperance in tarot is the dance from one polarity to the other, back and forth. can you do the dance with grace? i wanna do the dance with grace, and may i be at ease with the continual tension that denotes this plane of reality. so many feelings come and so many feelings go. i feel vague this morning. wrote a blog last night so this one will be short and sweet. i also woke up this morning thinking about my final paper and now i forget what the thoughts were but they were important. i woke up trying to decide if i want to talk about a specific model of implementation or to be less specific and write more about the overall process? decisions, decisions. hey muse? kaliope? return!