strange spring time babble…

excited to be getting out of dodge today. i need more of this. more out of dodgeness. more nature, water, trees, expanse. this time, the water and art calls. the island life. i keep procrastinating school work. still cannot get my being and mind to focus. i feel like it’s the end of the world lately. i keep telling myself to fully enjoy before it’s gone. maybe it’s the heat rising in the collective unconscious of this country or maybe something will happen. i don’t know. seize the day just keeps seizing me. it was so great to hang with her last evening and listen to her speak. how much comfort is found in another who thinks the same thoughts. to not have somebody try to turn the tragic frown upside down. to validate the pain. to validate the way the world is, the target membership, and how shallow and fickle people can be without somebody arguing that that perspective is wrong. to not minimize, marginalize, or ignore the shadow side. i find great relief in being truthful, pragmatic, and real. i squirm inside of conversations that are uncomfortable with the shadow side of life to the point where everything turns into some self help new age riff. maybe this is why i always ran like hell from the new age community and why sometimes i find more sanctuary in a psychological perspective. i feel lucky to know so many shadow working priestesses who know what’s up in the new age world. not only shadow working but also critical thinking witches. putting more moonstone on my wrist, as well as rose, vanilla, and vetiver to delve into the beauty of life. moon love. feminine soaking. dreamed very strange last night. in the dream i was working for a cooperation that ran everything in the world, called evol (not kidding). they sent us to do everything. one day i was working on a movie production and the next day i was working the retail floor of a department store. well, the president of evol called me and she said, “i need you to wear shorter sleeves, can you do that for me?” i said back to her, “with what money do i buy these shorter sleeves? i don’t have the money and no, i won’t do it,” which brought silence over the phone. i said, “i am taking this silence to mean you are firing me,” and she said, “yes, you are fired.” i hung up the phone filled with a strong feeling i did the right thing as i got on the subway. the subway said they were running a test and needed to do a fast sudden stop. it scared all the people but it did not scare me. this is all i remember. very bizarre and comical. i felt happy last night after hanging out with my friend. listened to music on my headphones and felt passionate like i felt as a teenager when listening to music. discovered how much i love the band kean. something is changing inside me. percolations that make no sense are bubbling through my system. old neural pathways are gated and new ones are blossoming. the persevering warrior making change happen despite every temptation to stop the process is colliding with some form of child like exuberance. you could say it’s nothing more than spring time, but spring time is not to be minimized because spring brings rebirth. i would like to say i feel love coming….but hesitate. oh what the hell, i feel love coming…

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