monday monday. isn’t there some sixties song that starts like that? saw dina martina yesterday and laughed so hard. this entire weekend was a getaway of sorts, but not really, but sort of. what i mean by that is, i took the weekend off and made it like a staycation, but i also just did a lot of walking. my passion for photography was ignited again. i burned off feelings that needed burning off. some feelings burn. passion burns. i keep my passions well hidden like a true scorpio. on the outside i appear placid like a lake which is authentic too. the passion part is focused and not very histrionic unless channeled specifically into something. i am learning more each day how to show up in the moment with an open and humble heart, thankful to breathe, and unafraid to feel each feeling that arises. marginalization of the shadow parts is on my mind continually. noticing how ready my culture is to try to get read of anything not a smile or a transformation. healers like me can get caught in our own traps of always trying to transform energy, which in my mind, mirrors the dominant culture paradigm of having turn every frown upside down. yuck. i wont participate. i will honor my frowns and the frowns in others. i will love the frown and let the frown have its voice. only then will the frown naturally shape shift into its next incarnation, perhaps a smile. in this culture we squash rites of passage left and right, thinking we should be one way all the time. one way is not the way of the human heart. we have many parts, cycles, and costume changes. we need to be free to change, to move, and to have ritual when these movements occur. i want to honor these shifts. speaking of, today is the new moon in aries. this is like a double new moon because aries is the beginning of the zodiac. i am using this new moon as a rite of passage to initiate my movement into fully investing in my studies. it’s been a slow progression and build up since the semester began, and i feel ready now to fully commit for this year. this is not about being present at the EC’s, for i have been that. it is about being present for reading, writing, and all the work outside of the EC’s, which i have been only slightly paying attention to. i needed to focus solely on my internship and adjusting to it. it is a big change going from never having been a therapist in my life, to being a therapist every week. it’s almost nothing like being a reader, though many people told me it would feel the same. as but as i do it more, i am bringing more of the reader into this work and learning how to create a new model that fits for me. the work is pure heart. the head serves the heart with knowledge, but the wisdom comes from the heart and really, it’s more about an energetic exchange than about wisdom. therapy is an intimate process shared between two people. a shared journey into the belly of the whale. it is deep. i don’t have the words for it yet. ok, time to get on my mat. bye bye thinking. hello breath.