i heart synthesis. had a great session with my supervisor that seemed to gel together my work as an intern, my final paper, the story i need to write, and the theme of my life right now. dancing with dragons. bringing tea to vulnerability. seeing the positive in every illness. doesn’t diminish the voice that screams, “this isn’t good,” doesn’t minimize, “i am hurting,” but instead, tames the dragon and allows us to go deeper into the place that you don’t want to let anyone into. the treasure chest. the shadow. the hurting child. innocence lost. an overgrown garden taken over by snakes who are ready to help if you know how to ask. the mystery of it all. feeling neptune sextile the moon so hard core yesterday morning. could only laugh and be relaxed. could only open myself to vision. could only get inspired. i heart neptune. most impassioned by the story, i am. the story is my medicine and my lover. i don’t want to transcend the story even if i know it’s just a story. it isn’t just a story. there is no just here. no minimizing. no diminishing. no marginalizing. the story is sacred. the story is important. the story is real. no trying to move up any ladders, material or spiritual, yet at the same time i am climbing a mountain. i don’t leap into faith, i climb up faith. faith is a mountain. faith is a feeling not a belief. i remember back in the nineties when i was young and extreme, how i rejected beliefs completely. i sort of lost my noodles because i could not not believe in beliefs cause that’s a belief too. the mind goes crazy when you break it down like that. i found peace in brahma. i named my white ford escort brahma. i lost myself in music. i was severely depressed. those were some good ole bad ole days…up in wisconsin…snot freezing in my nostrils from the bitter cold. my dragon was powerful. she would not let anyone in, not even me. funny, thinking back to those days. the days when…well, never mind. what am i talking about? how your beautiful shadow is protected by your loyal dragon. the loyal dragon are your defense mechanisms, your persona, your protector, born long ago, when you needed protection as a child. some dragons are evil even. being evil is a great protection devise. if you promote evil nobody has to see how hurt and scared you feel on the inside. what is evil anyhow? i don’t see the devil as an external power source anymore than i see god as an external power source. in my reality, all is one, all is connected. we are all god and we are all the devil. think holographic universe meets ancient creation story. there’s always a spectrum. i have had desires to destroy but i never would actually do it. we all fantasize about actions we’d never take. some take those actions. we call those people evil. my brain is not in the mood to wax like this. time to end blog and get on my mat. i keep needing to let go of mind this week. it’s a dance between mind and being. both need equal say. really practicing letting go on the mat. not trying to do any poses or forcing muscles. surrendering into the poses, into the dance of breath. dancing with my dragon. dancing with my body. basically, dancing….