babbling into tuesday…

i thought i had returned to the daylight but yesterday i found myself right back in the underworld with my hawk eyes watching the vow that wanted to sink me. some vows are rotten and need to be removed. the vow is not me. the vow was inherited. it is a multigenerational wound. funny how the outside is a mirror for the inside, continually. i have always felt this to be true. i only experience continuity. i see me in you. we are not that different, you and i. we draw into our field those who resonate to our vibration, like all of nature. science will explain it one day. until then, a belief this gets categorized as. before the age of science it could have been turned into dogma and taken as truth by society like a wafer turned into the body of christ. i watched bill burr comedy shows last night. needed to laugh and let go. was so tired that i transcended tired into a new dimension of exhaustion where eyes swirl around in a fishbowl like fish food. being surreal on purpose. sometimes it feels like i am underwater. like, i can feel myself being plankton pretending to be human. i can feel the history of earth inside my cells. my humanity grabs hold of these ancient memories and brings them up into my eyes and suddenly, we are all in the sea. i don’t think neptune is having a big influence on me but maybe she is, have not checked my chart. thinking about doing astrology different, and tarot too, in order to combine these tools with therapy. instead of telling, i am thinking of using these tools in a psychoanalytic fashion by giving the client key words and allowing them to free associate until content emerges from their unconscious to make meaning with…adding my input only as a spice but not the main ingredient. interesting how moving from being a reader to being a therapist has shown me the power of self interpretation. it’s so easy to hand one’s reality to another in the form of interpretation…or messages. i am not denying the power of spiritual messages, they are powerful, yet i am also wanting to give people a chance to unearth their own messages. some readers do this anyhow. i have always been old school about it, telling you what is in the cards or chart, telling you the future if it comes up too… while you listen and do very little talking. in therapist mode i am listening mostly and only offering suggestions when i share what i see. i look forward to merging these two realities together after i graduate and open a private practice. i can see a few ways of going about it thus far. it’s a learning process. we all influence each other so heavily. specially in the healing field where hurt is begging for relief and causes the ego to want to cling to a belief in order to save or take away the pain. i am learning how to be patient with my underworld explorations. no quick fixes. the lightning flash healings happen but also healing takes time. no trying to fix, only purifying, growing, expanding, letting go. healing healing healing. i miss creativity, lightness, fun. glad i got a few fun things on the books for this weekend. my own depth calls upon my own lightness. always both. blah blah blah. i don’t say blah blah blah to minimize myself, just to remind you and me that the mind yaps away always….and my being is also wordless. ¬†underneath all this mind-speak is where i live and who i am really am….the mind and words do the best they can to express the what is experienced in senses six and seven…

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