tales from the dark side…

we all have different parts of ourselves. yesterday a part was up for me that i am uncomfortable with. the angry teen. i am blogging about her in hopes of finding love and acceptance for her, as my goal is to feel love and acceptance for every shadow part. this part of me is harsh, feels separate, feels denied of having what all the normal people have, wishes to be normal, feels destructive (though doesn’t act upon it), and is quick to judge and reject because she feels judged and rejected. i think that shadow parts are emerging from me right now because i am in the belly of the whale doing this alchemy work. i am turning the pain i feel into a laboratory experiment. man, i tell you though, i cannot wait to come back up into the daylight again. this part in particular is hard to love. she is making my tummy acidic and my mind feel like it’s made of blades or something cold and sharp. how do i bring love here? i must remember she was born from terrible things done to her. i must know that she was born as a protector. in psycho-language, she would be called a loyal solider. she birthed to protect me from the injustice of the external world. her prickles keep out the meanies. she wants her voice to be heard. she wants to rant about the dominant culture paradigm and how it has denied her access to love. she wants to judge other people for being shallow and denying her love. she wants to remove every child abuser on the planet. she wants to crush the overlords who set up the dominant culture paradigm and watch the deception unravel into chaos. she externalizes all of her pain and rejects every notion that anything is of her own doing. in psycho-language this could be the borderline spectrum expressing. “how could you,” she wails to the world. all of her pain is caused by others. she blames and makes herself a victim. do you see why i want to judge this part of myself? she is not easy to love because she takes no responsibility for her own suffering or for her own healing. writing about her is scary because i feel exposed. why am i doing it? my teacher reminded me how we all carry the spectrum of mental “disorders” inside of us. they are archetypal beings, in a way. we all have a shadow. maybe if i reveal her i begin to love her. it’s hard to love a selfish part that is consumed in hatred and anger. jung would take a journey to visit with her. i will do the same thing. love for every monster. love for every part. love for every aspect of my being. i give it to myself and i can give it to you too. i will walk into the fear. inward is where fear is birthed. if i can walk to any depth or level on the inside, i can walk to any depth and level on the outside. finis.

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