more tales from the same ole…

pluto is conjuncting my north node in the same exact degree right now. having trouble interpreting this for myself, but feeling it. jupiter will soon be met by saturn in a conjunction too. this must be the seriousness of life i feel, right now. the restriction. the discipline. the work heaviness of it all. i am surrendering. i am showing up. i am being me in any situation. the capricious nature of my soul is on hold, or sitting in the back seat. i am unable to access her but i want to and yet i make peace with not being able to. life is so damn short. i cannot believe it is already the middle of march. time is becoming eagle wings. no wait, time is becoming dragonfly wings. i have nothing to say in blog. i find fulfillment sitting with my clients. school is more of an effort because the learning style, for me. practicum is make believe and nothing about how i sit with make believe clients translates to sitting with real clients. i like listening to my teachers lecture much more because they are lucid, funny, and enriching. my left brain continues to blossom open and yet sometimes i feel it is stuck too. thinking of the krishna das dream…he telling me to travel in europe leaving art wherever i go, and how creative i am. i don’t feel very creative these days. i feel pretty uncreative most of the time. i feel like a crow balking the same ole story each day. i am waiting for a miracle to shoot up like a flower stalk and reveal something new. the world is crumbling but has been for quite some time. who i am in this world is valuable to me because i want to help us heal and grow. i want to inspire. i want to partake in creating a new narrative. at the same time, i want to listen to waves and find beauty in the simplest act of appreciating life and not doing a damn thing. don’t we all crave this?  resting in beauty is not in alignment with pluto capricorn conjuncting my north node in house twelve. work work work, unraveling the unconscious. power dynamics. surrender. transformation. ok, time to get on the mat, i must force myself. discipline. blah blah blah. blog is shrinking cause i am sick of hearing myself balk about this stuff. i need a poetic return. muse, come back. kaliope, return!

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