in school again so i have not written. got a little bit of insomnia. took me till past midnight to fall asleep and woke up before my five thirty alarm. sleep, where are you? deep dreaming. walking through a dangerous part of a city, feeling mostly safe. fear facing? yesterday my archetypal ogre was present. how a bread crumb can be bounty, depending on who is narrating. no in service to the yes. feeling the marginalized shadow wanting to have her voice, without it being manipulated, turned into good, shamed, made functional, and everything the daylight world and the teeny tiny pinhole of an ego tries to do. i long for human understanding. i long for everybody to allow themselves to feel their shadow without changing it. let it be, let it be. no wonder singing is my favorite thing to do. it’s all about the voice. longings to be held and touched. sacrificing for mr. true love. until he is ready, i am alone. i don’t open myself to mr. right now. i don’t open myself to mixed messages. i don’t open myself to attractions i don’t respect. you see, i am on a quest. i am living in lord of the rings. i am holding out. i am living for a higher love. the animal cries out to the moon because she is tired and in need. the soul cares for her though. i am singing myself lullabies. lullabies to the animal. when we are together, he and i, the years will fly and be happy, i can feel it. everyone has their love stories to live out. their karmas. our lives are our karmas. some of us dream big. she said it so well, yesterday. her articulation nailed it. the illusion of me having to adapt is crashing. my brain is melting. i am slipping into the unknown. a detective and a lover of poetry, both. staring at a picture i drew. my masculine and feminine side. he the lover of humanity. she always on a case. ganesha starting at me through the statue. the look on his face. he is with me heavily right now. the real him. he is removing my obstacles. i don’t feel as tired as i should. another day commences with my cohort. another day alive, as this person known as….blue lily storm.