meaning making machine out of order…

oh life, is bigger, bigger than you and you are not me. song stuck in my head this morning. awoken to npr news and the weight of the world. looking at apartments online, still feeling it is not the right time to move. not sure where i want to be. not sure what is right to do. showing up every day is all i can do. feeling confused. too many choices with nothing to ground me. i dunno. this apartment has been so good to me. a real home, you know?  maybe i stay till the end of the year? not if they raise the rent, that’s for sure. deep dreaming all night but i cannot recall a thing. nothing to say for blog, this morning. no words in the brain. this is purely an exercise. blank mind. feeling like i am riding on a roulette wheel. round and round the karmic wheel. my meaning making machine is on vacation. do you ever sometimes feel yourself making meaning and seeing how silly it all is? do you ever want to be free of meaning making? the high priestess rises inside of me and asks me to let go. bask in the unknown. miss all the wrong opportunities in order for the right opportunity to easily surface. cancer moon monday. soft. internal. quiet. venus retrograde. considering what i value. i value having a bedroom if possible. not everyone does. watching mr. robot all night. spooked. sunday night blues. woodpecker medicine. american life. human life. i am alive. nothing to say to write. free flow take over so i can be done with this practice. the color blue. thoughts of me and thoughts of you. singing over a camp fire and looking up at the stars. climbing a mountain. traveling to mars. fingertips tapping. holding plank for over a minute. going to the dentist. really, it’s all so boring. inspiration fled again. come back, inspiration! flo from the show alice. staring into screens. emerald tablet. i really cannot think. can heart speak? heart, what say you? i am a quiet turtle this morning. just get on the mat and let me out through the body. ok, through the body it is…

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