mystery speak…

more not knowing what to say-ness. feeling weary, tired, maxed out, flattened. will allow this feeling to course through and call upon the muses for inspiration. the sky is pearly and soft outside. i am craving waves and water. craving touch. craving heart food. tired of the yapping mind thinking it knows everything. i want the thoughts that yap out of my mouth to come directly from heart, directly from the muse and from inspiration. screw the plastic. screw the know it all. i don’t even know what i am saying. craving mystery. craving surprises. craving to discover a new color. craving. taurus moon is always a challenge for me because it causes me to crave intensely. also, in seattle, it’s that time of year when winter feels like it is eroding the soul. the craving for spring is akin to walking thirsty through an endless desert. i know, i am being dramatic. some would call it poetic. i just realized the big yellow crane is no longer outside my window. the way it loomed like a dinosaur became so familiar to me. and now poof, it is gone. i want to move and yet i am not moving. i really want to move. i really want a one bedroom and a car. i really need change. need, want, crave. me me me. blah blah blah. i don’t know where i am supposed to be. this current home has been so good to me. life always places me right in the middle of destiny. my intuition guides me. for instance, i got into this current grad school program within two days. sure, i thought long and hard about going back to school, did my research on many schools and all that analytical jazz…but the way saybrook chose me was quick, intuitive, and magical, like every big change in my life. i know my new home will present the same way. i look on craigslist every day, contemplate, research, do the math…yet one day, in a second, the home will just appear and i will know it. same goes with relationships, jobs, and creative projects that are the big ones. it’s always instantaneous and magical. that’s how i roll. got that kind of soul. who knows why and who cares how. knowing takes a back seat to the mystery, for now. spray more rose water on the face, take a day off from yoga, wander through the thickets under a silver sliver moon….soon, this will all be gone….

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