babbling honey…

when the flow comes the feelings let go. how strange to be this human being. to be run by feelings. strange dreams all night too. the solar eclipse is coming up sunday with a mammoth party of pisces planets at eight degrees, falling into my first house of identity. pisces is washing away my aquarian identity into the sea for renewal. i feel this. i feel myself deeply letting go. feeling the need for more solitude and personal time than usual in order to not spaz out, over give, over extend, lose myself in others, get too caught up in desire…and trusting that i can hold myself and the other in attunement and balance without over or under giving. allowing myself to receive. how much do you give versus receive? are you a needless wantless white knight too much? are you an energy draining sponge? do you close yourself off and only show a persona? do you share your most intimate self with undeserving hearts? what voices are marginalized in your heart? sorrow? joy? are you tired? are soul hungers starving? do you find yourself always trying to fix yourself in order to get what you want? can you surrender? will you find peace inside? these questions bubble up. i am moved by others. we all have these…personalities. they are archetypal and then we give a unique spin on the archetypes with our mysterious humanness. my internship has my heart and feels warm like a glow worm. the left brain is worked to the limit. taking a personal day to reset my energy as my moon flows heavily out of this body, causing my womb to ache. i am craving water. had a great conversation with a friend last night where i felt seen and heard. do you feel seen and heard? the marginalization of the authentic self is a plight i care so much about. who is your authentic self? working my culture of origin suffering. still healing from being outcasted as a child. humbled how long it can take to be free of the hard wired past. some believe we do not have an authentic self or a self inside that is already formed and waiting to be recognized. that’s cool. i honor what i don’t believe in. i cannot help but believe in a true self because it is my felt experience, deeper than emotions, past the five senses. if i did not have a lived phenomenological experience of soul i would not believe in soul. and i have no issues using poetry and myth to speak the language of mystery.  i am babbling. i don’t know why i am writing any of this other than it is pouring out like honey. another little tiny death sweetens the pot…

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