i am currently melting. melting and communicating. vulnerable and sensitive. cannot stop this force of alchemy. this is not something that needs or wants therapy or the theraputic voice. this is something deeper. and yet i cannot tend to it so much. or maybe i can. meaning, i wish i could lock myself away in a cabin on the sea and write a hundred pages and paint a hundred paintings. but i cannot. the desire to escape is strong and i watch it with love. choosing to share myself humbly with others in ways i am not used to, to work my family of origin stuff, to speak my true voice in a group, to use too many commas, to piece osiris back together. oh, how i miss osiris, my love. i must bring him back from the dead. resurrect. or…can i change the myth? yes, change it. the myths are alive and i know as a living being that nothing dampens my spirit more than telling the same story about my life over and over. especially a story of pain. can you tell your story of pain in a new way? she said transformation made the thing totally new. that it’s not the ashes becoming the phoenix. that the phoenix rises up as a completely new creature. so maybe that means it is time to allow osiris to stay dead and to transform myself instead. no more good brother versus evil brother, over and over again. no more dueling forces of duality. can you do that while still in this body? if we are collectively still dualistic, can you break away as an individual and turn into a multi-dimensional being all the way, or can you only have knowledge of that? i wonder. forces pull at my heart strings. coming back to the ground, i am humbled by looking back at my life through a therapeutic lens. the two stories are drastically different when looked at through the lens of therapy or through the pleaidian light being lens. people make fun of the latter, i don’t care. let them eat their cake of antagonization. i know what is true for me. yet, can the truth be used to ignore certain realities? i somehow need to alchemize the therapy and pleaidian lenses. if not, i will go bananas. no marginalization of voices. it’s all happening. i find sanctuary in spirit and through the lens of psychology i have a working knowledge. the mind goes round and round. i wont pick of the pieces of osiris this time. yes, i must pick up his pieces. no, i wont. yes, i must. the thought of abandoning him is profoundly sad. our karma pulls us back with intense emotion and our emotion is our humanity. what to do?