went to a jung lecture last night and my heart was fed. i loved being there. the theme was outgrowing problems versus overcoming them. i learned that a problem may fade or become a non-problem when a new life urge takes over. the issue we face is how we tend to minimize or rationalize away new life urges that crop up in the heart. these new life urges may present as synchronicity, desire, new thoughts and ideas. the ego wants to shut down the new and stay in the comfort zone of familiar and what is known, but if we allow the new in without minimizing, the new life urge may grow and saturate the psyche, making a problem we’re used to facing, obsolete. neat. i feel it. was so compelled by the lecture i spent the morning looking up how to become a jungian analyst. the training is rigorous. maybe i would rather take the rogue path but i wont minimize this desire. i could move to los angeles or new york city and commit to the four to six years of training. i might love it. speaking of cities and moving, i spent the day and evening on the north end of seattle and realized what a city person i am…still. the quiet darkness of neighborhoods at night i did not like. i like the bright urban nights of the city. i like the chaos. i like the concrete. at the same time, change needs an adjustment period. i could move to a more suburban landscape like the north end and in six months, enjoy the darkness. sometimes i feel i am so open that i don’t stand for my desires. i suppose if i stood by my desire i would say i enjoy the city over living in a more suburban landscape. but still, something inside of me tells me to change. i have a constant desire to change that conflicts with familiar desires. it is what it is. i will probably live my entire life with conflicting desires. the one thing that struck the most about my personal journey and last night’s lecture was how i do have a new life urge bubbling up that i have been minimizing. this life urge wants newness. it feels tired of astrology, tarot, and all the narratives and correspondences i have steeped in the past twenty five years. it wants to collapse the old lens and open up a new lens. it wants to create from nothing. i am going to honor this life urge and see what happens. when i tap into this urge i feel bright orange vitality. a mantra wafts through my head like a baby bird sailing on the wind: discover a new color. my spirit is pioneering. i am ready for the new. i feel a craving to leave seattle but i don’t know if it’s the right thing to do. seattle is a haven and i have strong community here. for now, i am steeped in the new. my internship is completely new. grad school is new. but once again, not going to rationalize my life urges away. new does not have to stop with two new things. i can new it up. new everything if i want. rebirth. i know my urge for newness brings me deeper into my life purpose which is directly connected to humanity and what we are all going through on a collective transformative and healing level. what does your heart follow?