today is an unexpected snow day. wow. how strange it feels to have a random day off. i actually was looking forward to going in and meeting new clients today. oh well. it’s meant to be. wide awake and not going back to sleep. strange dreams. i am taking a few days off from the news and the complete dismantling of this country. realized how much of my anxiety last week was being stoked by anxiety for the world. need to put anxiety cessation first so i may be an effective presence who is showing up with a clear heart. perhaps this day really is meant to be, giving me one more day to clear out the debris, move through the triggers, and strengthen my heart with self care. i am seeing myself walk in the snow for a long period of time. i am seeing painting. maybe i will stare out the window and do nothing for a stint, allowing my mind to unravel. been feeling the need for positivity to return to the thoughts. realized something last night as i was falling asleep…
our thoughts are not our own. we tune into radio stations, to put it metaphorically, and these radio stations transmit thoughts into our brains and we think we are our thoughts. the radio station we tune into has to do with our own vibration. our own vibration has to do with our feeling state. our bodies are the tuning forks. if my cells are vibrating as doom i will tune into the doom radio station and doom thoughts will enter my brain. i will think they are my thoughts and identify with my thoughts. this procedure narrates my reality. if my cells are feeling peace i will tune into the peace radio station. this station will pour thoughts of peace into my head, i will identify with the peace thoughts and narrate my reality. vibrating cells magnetize the thoughts we receive from a mysterious dimension and the thoughts we receive have the power to shape circumstance when we identify with thought and make thought our narrator. i feel the animal aspect of my cells and the soul aspect of my cells tuning in. the soul aspect is breath and the animal aspect is the actual material of the cell. breath and material make up soul and animal. both tune in to the radio stations of thought. i am going to strengthen my resolve to not identify with thoughts while also tending to my vibration so that this soul-body tunes into the peace, love, joy, inspiration, and wisdom radio stations. sorrow, anger, frustration, and all shadow feelings may present themselves peacefully.
on a completely different tangent, many of the chronically single friends i know are getting into relationships. some may be true love unions while others look like lesson love. you never know which you are gonna get. relationships may show up as a reflection of your inner truth and authentic desire or a reflection of a lesson needing to be learned in order to heal and let go of old wounding. or both. sometimes you work through your deepest issues through intimacy with your partner and sometimes you do not. the variety is vast. unhealed wounds remain open and raw when the emotions are held onto. held on emotion is karma. karma has its own vibration that tunes into radio stations of thought. i may not be able to know what equal romantic love and intimate sexuality feels like in my cells but i do know what equal friendship love feels like in my cells. my true love is my best friend is the thought coming into my brain.
please excuse my use of the term “true love”. i know it’s over used and often a hated notion due to its assumption of there being only one fixed person for every person. i don’t mean it this way. to me, true love is an equal and mutual intimate romantic life partnership created by two willing individuals who fall in love and dedicate to one another…this thought comes into my brain because my soul-body vibrates to the the thought station of truth or trueness. truth or trueness is only one station though. some people tune into radio stations that have no truth or trueness. some stations are more pragmatic, religious, scattered, humorous, light, heavy…on and on. what is mysterious is the aspect of vibration. vibration is essence. when i feel into essence i get luxuriously lost in the poetry and beauty…(doing that now….catch you later….)