metaphysical musings on mercury day…

slept an hour later. intense dreams revealing confusion, community, being up all night, no more home, moving from place to pace, especially at night, and living like a refugee. what if there was no more place to call home, to call your own? how many of us experience this already? the sense i have is to focus on bringing my soul essence to the outside world. no more ego and soul. soul as ego. the sense i have is one of surrendering to spiritual service on a deeper level. change is demanding. comfort zones are illusions. any location can become ambient. dreamed about a connection with a man. wasn’t sure if he was gay or straight but we connected right away. reminded me of my past and how i used to fall for gay men who were still coming out. thought about the reasons why in a new way. how i like the feminine awakened in a man and have an aversion to the feminine asleep in a man. i like both energies awake in me too. my masculine is awake! this year calls me back to the feminine after three years of waking up my masculine energy. back to the moon for another round of integration. water and fire are the elements of this year for me. earth holds me and air is old familiar, my constant compadre. i could have slept all morning long which is unlike me. the mountain outside is bathed in honey-pink light under a nightgown blue morning sky. i am burning ginger incense. life feels like a dream. i am a queen calling in my king and also desiring new archetypal language that does not refer to imperialism. home is in him, second. first it is in me, spirit. home is where the heart is and my heart is pulsating with soul hunger. all the past lives feel so over that i sense complete collapse. it’s as if this parallel reality we entered contains none of the past even though we still carry the stories in our hearts like stones. not sure where any of these sentences are coming from, other than a need to soften…

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