early morning whatever…

i don’t know what to say. run out of ways to communicate in blog. tired from managing anxiety all weekend but had a good weekend, blah blah blah. rewrote my autobiography yesterday, at least a rough draft, because i cannot look back on the old one. wow, how different i am from the person i was one year ago. getting used to writing in cafes on my days off again, in preparation for school papers. still confused about where to live and maybe looking at a studio this evening on the hill. still on the hill? feeling lost and wanting to be found. showing up with love is all i know how to do. let the fears reveal themselves and pulsate through. take this journey into the unknown and thank uni for the support and the smashing of the ego throne. grad school blues. beautiful blues. deep blues. deep wisdom. deep understanding. indigo awareness. self love as happiness. psychology talk through and through. there is no going back to the land of capriciousness. we used to fly by the seat of our pants hoping it would all work out until we realized it wouldn’t if we kept rolling that way. we used to live in shells and eat too much butter. there are days that are olden now. renaming the golden girls to match who we will be when we retire. the amethyst lights. the turtle shells. the sky is still black from night time not wearing off yet. thankful i am a morning person. now, to get on the mat even though i don’t want to. the power to say no and the power to say yes. i am far away from my dreams these days. far away from jungian analysis and the depth lens. it’s all narrative, all somatic, and all spiritual all the time. re-write, breathe, and devote. surrender and commit, these are the two words, the ticket, the compromise, and the calling all rolled into one. we laughed on skype all night long. laughter the benefit and medicine. onward…

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