still cannot seem to get myself into moving mode. the time is not right. still do not know where to move yet. the knowing is not here. still talking about the larger picture of society and what to do about it deep into the night. still managing high levels of anxiety. still have not painted. still listening to binaural beats and solfeggio sequences. still sick of blogging. still far away from creative richness on any level. off the matt too much right now. but on the positive side i am not quitting, avoiding, destroying, deceiving, or hiding. i am not sinking. finding a way to allow the tears and vulnerability through the body without clinging to the ego to “keep me strong”. not being an over-doer or a hero. i am in touch with maybe the deepest surrender of my life to date because i am surrendering all of me to what this mind cannot understand yet. how am i to be on this path while writing a paper for school about what i want to specialize in as a clinician? that is a language i am not used to speaking. i await the inspiration. don’t know what to say but lets keep on finding solidarity in one another no matter how we continue to offend each other as we awaken out of privilege and non-privilege empowerment, unifying under the name of love and overturning hate. the contrast is high and polarity is divided. this tactic causes psychological stress and yet at the same time, picking a side is what is best because of the deeper need to unify. no longer one foot in and one foot out. both feet to walk in a singular direction with open eyes and heart.