tidal wave subsiding…

another wave of anxiety confiscated me last night in one large shadowy waterfall coursing through the nervous system like a hungry beast looking for fear to eat. fear, so much of it lately. like the way a snake charmer operates, life is charming fear from hidden spaces inside me. i remain witness to the waves of fear and anxiety, honor the feelings, talk and write to express, re-write the narrative, and repeat…each time it happens. she said these are soul lessons and i feel this in my soul. the sky is blue this morning and i have a day to be outside in the blue of sky like water like softness. she said to soften and i will. creature cries into the moon. creature subsided into her cave to rejuvenate. creature’s moods course through. i don’t want to write here. i am nervous about clients finding me on here but my soul says to keep doing this anyways because i always write about healing anyhow. my personal life is totally boring. i live in the ashram peppered with occasionally going out to meet friends. my apartment is like cocoon. many tears live in these walls now. many stories live in the walls. six years this summer if i am still here. do i move? i don’t know anymore cause after graduation i may move to another city like spokane, bellingham, or some place in oregon or california. i am not attached to seattle proper. i am used to rice and beans no car living. there really wont be time to do much else but internship and grad school anyhow. blah blah blah. today i will replenish the empty wells. maybe i ought to go buy some paint and express myself artistically again? find the gypsy spirit inside. don’t allow the outside in for a day or two, be a sun, shine all over myself and on everyone. let the right brain take the driver’s wheel. unravel and reveal. got to. i got to. ladeeda.

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