ponderings on this mess we’re in…

i am in the ashram again. feels good even though on the outside it may look boring. the ashram is where i rejuvenate my energy. i come home each evening, put on pj’s and listen to sound healing videos while pulling cards, contemplating, and resting my soul from the chaos of the world and all of my fears. so much fear is arising in the blood and the world around me. this country’s shadow is oozing out the cracks of false light that were holding it together. the intensity is increasing and with that an increase in contrast and volume. i dreamed about the ego last night. i was walking around back stage to a set of bars owned by a cruel woman who my friend did not want to get mad at him. if she found out i was back stage he would get in trouble. my friend was wearing a david bowie type outfit which is very unlike him in real life. i kept trying on pairs of old punk boots i once owned and each pair was messed up in some way. the old persona is no longer working is what i take from that part of the dream. the old persona was trying to live behind the scenes to avoid cruelty and disappointment. my persona is changing. this is not a conscious effort. it is an organic and unconscious process, only to be conceptualized in retrospect. i am becoming who is needed in these times. i sense my mind flapping its wings like a fast butterfly around my soul feeling everything. i feel the six dimensional waves of energy pulsating from sirius over to this planet and i feel these waves changing me. changing all of us. it’s not psychological. it’s metaphysical. i know the difference. contemplating the conflicts in this country…i fear we wont have clean water to drink in the future. flint michigan has already been experiencing this since 2014. we talked about the native americans having their land stolen yesterday. how to the natives, owning land was a concept they could not even conceive of when the europeans rolled in a stole it from them. now, the same thing may be happening with water for us all. i hope not but while the marches were bringing hope and solidarity the protestors at standing rock were being treated violently. if we don’t have clean water to drink for free, many will die. my morbid imagination sees each element being owned by the imperialistic overlords until our biological selves are no longer free on any level. fuck that shit. really? i also see the karma. you cannot steal the land of entire race of people and expect to get away with it forever. we all pay for harms committed because so long as we are a human being we are part of the collective unconscious of humans and this collective soup is our karma to contend with. earth is alive and powerful. she is done hosting human oppression. this will either look like the death of the human race on earth or the healing of the human race on earth. the feminine energy is rising in us all and gives me hope that we will heal. to be honest, i am ok with either outcome because i can zoom out far enough to understand that destruction is a part of nature and not bad. yet because i am a heart centered person, i commit to the healing of the human race. all of my action steps, inspiration, soul purpose and life mission center around healing even if a part of my mind accepts whatever is to come and sees all outcomes as a valid expression of love. destruction is loving if it means wiping out incessant cruelty that wont cease because a species is not able to find balance. nevertheless, i put healing in the driver’s seat and head toward the creative act of transformation…we can do this.

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