waxing philosophical…

at times i have nothing to say and i am all feeling. forcing the writing. overwhelm is happening though i don’t have anxiety. just being present with change and no change. change: career, country, identity, lifestyle, family. no change: home and soul. i live in a dusty box in the sky permanently channeling the other dimensions alone and i want to land in a warm home on the ground with a partner and animals. everything else is in massive flux. i wonder, what the outcome would have been if the march happened before the election? looking back to ponder an alternate reality is unnecessary. i wonder, how will the surfacing shadow heal us all? i feel positive about the outcome though the road will challenge the heart on every level. i feel love underneath as the root. i feel divine meaning percolating beneath surface appearances. anger is not in me these days. only love and sorrow. showing up is our task. all of our tasks if we choose to be a part of transforming the shadow into love. what does it look like to not avoid or escape through blame or living in a la la la land of delusion? to own our own shadow so we stop feeding the one externalized before us who threatens like a big bad monster. we have forgotten the power source within, me included. we are waking up and it’s like getting a cast of a leg you haven’t walked on in months. takes time to build strength. the tricky part is that nobody can do it alone. we need each other. the march showed the solidarity possible. a sign that perhaps this time the transformation can take place. we may be able to transform the shadow into love. i am using the word transform a lot in this blog because i am convinced this is the action. we cannot make the shadow vanish by killing it, avoiding it, pretending it doesn’t exist, acting like we are all good and have nothing to do with it. we must own our own and come together in packs of strong willed love. love is not fluff. love is power. oh words, if only you could penetrate the helplessness. can you? what do my shadows on the cave wall look like? avoidance and helplessness are two of them. we are all going to die. this earth game is temporary no matter how hellish or heavinish life rolls in waves that are not in our control. sometimes no matter how much you want something, you just don’t get it. sometimes life is a test of faith and love among what appears to be poverty. sometimes love is the only prosperity available. how we respond to life is up to you and up to me. this is the lonesome part of the journey. no human will ever understand my own journey the same way i do and vice versa. it’s a trip how we are born and die alone. how only the person can feel what it is like to be the person. me-ness is very real. i don’t shun the me-ness and pedestalize oneness or collective identity. i don’t shun oneness and collective identity while pedestalizing me-ness. both are sacred. temporary is sacred too. life is a dance between polarities. why am i philosophizing? i ought to pay more attention to the ants i discovered on the space heater…

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