another conceptual ramble as the fan gets clogged…

a few more thoughts about things that swirled through my head yesterday…that have to do with making excuses for the shadow. they way i see it is, the shadow exists. destruction exists. pain exists. shame exists. sorrow exists. anger exists. the human ego exists. nature works in cycles of creation and destruction. nature will wipe out tons of life at once in a storm or a volcanic explosion. all of life here on this earth is susceptible to danger, human and otherwise. this is not an easy thing to digest. i think the new age movement, just like religion, can find perfect equations that attempt to eradicate the shadow in order to make the human ego feel better. such as what i see as the wrong idea of karma, that if you have it sucky in this life it’s cause you were an asshole in another life, this type of thing. i think this is too equational and nature is not equational like that. the real karma, from my perspective, is that oneness sparks off and manifests as sentient life, and who we become is who we become. no reasons. whether who we are is a tree, a human, a killer, a king, a refugee, a famous person, a snail, a planet…the variety is endless. nature does not discriminate when birthing and dying, and nature is spirit. i do feel reincarnation as a real aspect of the cycle of nature, but i do not feel that if we spend one life being a jerk in the next life we will be the victim of somebody who is a jerk to us. the way i see it is, if you die with guilt in your heart, your soul is born into the next life with the guilt still in your heart to be healed and released. the soul is a natural force of nature that remains in tact by an emotional matrix/illusion of self and then rebirths into a new life in order to continue the story of self, carrying in its matrix the emotional imprint from past lives. this is what karma is to me, not so much equational, yet still with a to be continued flavor. another new age concept i don’t buy into is that we are doing this life over until we don’t kill each other off the planet. you can find this theory in many books, that we are like, on our fifth or sixth round of being in this exact same spot in time, and we will keep repeating this life (without remembering it) until we don’t create nuclear war, or let the bad guys win, so to speak. again, this feels too equational to me and not integrating chaos and the shadow. if the bad guy wins and we blow each other to bits, nature will find a new expression. the way i feel it is, that there are many parallel realities that can be played out and what our collective psyche creates is the reality that will be actually lived. i have a have a huge sentimental attachment to healing, love, liberty and justice for all life. i will give this passion my everything while i am alive as a soul. at the same time, if human enslavement and planetary rape leads to the destruction of the human race on earth, so be it. we all die and nature will find a new expression. loss happens. i think loss has a profound teaching in it. to lose what or who is sacred provides an opportunity to reach a deeper level of unconditional love, compassion, forgiveness, and acceptance for this temporary world and this temporary life. unconditional love, compassion, forgiveness and acceptance are powers i wish to have in larger doses the more my soul plods along in life. i value how loss opens my heart even though it hurts and is hard. i don’t need to turn loss into gloss in order to feel good and make life all bunnies and rainbows. i say this with a strong opinion because after steeping in the new age for so many years, i feel pretty opinionated about certain concepts and i feel protective over nature’s way. i am not judgmental toward the people who believe what i do not, i am only judging the concepts and seeking to understand why they exist. what you feel to be true is your right, whether i agree or not. be free. i can only speak for myself. i am wary of any spiritual concept that tries to eradicate the shadow. the shadow is real and happening.

it’s super alive right now in this country, as the new runner of the show is a perfect icon of all that is shadowy. the shadow has two sides, the perpetrator and the victim side. the perp. who hides his shame with being a tyrant, controls the victims who feel helpless and need to scapegoat their fear and shame either onto him or onto some version of humans (depending on which side you are on.) to lash out at the perp. only will just perpetuate the same ole scapegoat game. it’s time to stop scapegoating in all directions no matter what side you take. this runner of the show won because he is a reflection of something very real happening in our collective reality that has been happening for a very long time. we are all responsible for this current reality. instead of scapegoating, i want to level up and see how i can help. who do you scapegoat onto? who do you judge? be sure to include yourself. do you marginalize yourself, your feelings, your vulnerability? this is my biggest lesson, to not marginalize myself and see myself as weak and helpless. we all got ourselves here and this is nature bringing the shadow to the surface. it’s hard to look at the collective reality as something to own and yet by law of nature, the collective is what creates the dominant cultural paradigm. the current and long withstanding war and division between types of people is the collective story we keep on repeating. why? how do you repeat it within yourself? do you have an inner war going on? if you’ve been held down and raped your whole life how can you even begin the process of empowerment? you need stronger souls who have been through it to help, to protect you, and be a voice while you heal and get stronger yourself. we need each other and to be here for one another we need to be here for ourselves. no martyrs, but instead, equals who are all in this together. to not be self centered and to live for one another is an essential adjustment and hard one to make because we are all swamped by the survival needs in varying levels and the dominant cultural paradigm promotes us living for our own specific dreams and success. not to mention the abuse so many of us endured as children as another obstacle to face. this gnarly reality is nature being nature. at the same time, i wonder how we can make it easier, more in the flow, less resistant, more helpful, more attuned to nature. and i also wonder, if we were to all take responsibility for saving ourselves as a collective of equals who express of a variety of differences, how much less we would rely on spiritual dogma to make the pain go away? i say this as a very spiritual person who values spiritual connection above all, it is only the dogma part i challenge, which is mental. in my perspective, we are spiritual beings and way more powerful and expansive than what we are taught by our institutions. i want to see our potential for healing unlocked. this ramble is motivated by love and dedicated to honoring the shadow and nature while also living for my soul’s desire to restore love and peace in the heart of us all…

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