from no thoughts to a ramble about non-resistance…

mercury is direct again, though i am feeling the shadow of mercury and blank in my thoughts. maybe cause i am feeling many worlds, beings, and dimensions all at once this morning. not on the third dimension completely. i don’t feel like blogging, it is a forced effort. there are mental thoughts going through this head though. thoughts about method. there is not only one method to not sinking too deeply into stories. meditation is only one method, not the be all end all method. the method i am working with currently has to do with sinking deeply into the feelings while being conscious that i am doing so. when i practice this method i notice that that the story dissolves also. the great thing about sinking into the feelings is that they are honored. i am not about resisting feelings or trying to move beyond them, although i understand each one of us is different. some people need to resist certain feelings as not to cause themselves or others any harm. you gotta know what works for you. what matters to me is honoring the feelings and the stories because i sense how badly these marginalized feelings and stories need honoring. honoring is very different than dwelling in or over identifying with. being human is complex. to dwell in is to find false refuge. to honor is to feel the feelings and acknowledge the story and express what needs expressing. in my opinion, due to the still very marginalized feminine energy in us all, feelings are still feared to such a large degree that way too much energy is spent on trying to get rid of feelings that are challenging. anger, sorrow, remorse, frustration, confusion, etc. endless methods in the world of psychology, self help, and spirituality seek to abolish these feelings. you are only healed if you are free of anger and sorrow. you are only enlightened if you are free of anger and sorrow. this sort of thing. the way i see it, it’s not about being rid of these feelings, it is about learning how to feel them without messing everything up because of them. the messing up is a product of judgement and fear, not the feelings themselves. it amazes me how hard and simple this one aspect of being human is. feeling. lately i have been practicing fully feeling everything and honoring the story and finding that as i do this, the feelings move and the story gains levity. what you resist will persist, this cliche has ruled my life. how long can the shadow be resisted? the shadow is natural. duality is natural too. in the new age movement there is a lot of judgement surrounding duality, as if getting beyond it is better. duality is not less than multi-dimensionality. every dimension is equally important and necessary. from my perspective, the judgement stems from believing that what feels good is better. feeling good is overrated. how much pain does a mother go through when she gives birth? all of my wisdom has grown from the womb of pain. this does not allow perpetrators to get away with murder, rape, abuse. it all works together. the wisdom gained from the pain of abuse causes the being to become stronger and more compassionate, more loving and wise. this will eventually loop back and cause a mass enlightenment for human kind, where peace will reign…for a while. until the shadow makes a new appearance. it’s all cyclical. this is why the buddhists understand that eventually a soul becomes weary from incarnating and wishes to transcend it, to return to the oneness, luminous emptiness, nothingness, whatever you wanna call it. wow, i am suddenly heavily rambling. better end this now before i become weary….

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