free flow #36

time for vegas again. looking forward to getting out of this box and seeing my folks. intense dreams last night…again…all this week. mercury retrograde and i am really feeling it. not many thoughts, a feeling of density and gravity inside. a knowing that is becoming my constant guide. last class in a while i taught last night. only one person showed and it’s been that way for a while. a not meant to be happening right now in life. so we did it different. we did an i-group after i explained it to them and it was wonderful to begin with vulnerable processing. then two read for one three times and i fell in love with getting read by two readers at once. it was enlightening, as i could really see how we create stories. i received two distinct stories and both pinged my soul. one the color red about doing what i need to do and not taking any escape route instead. one the color blue about shedding armor, the sore spot beneath the armor, the real deal, and let me tell you, i could really feel how my anxiety narrative is just a cover revealing something deeper and more visceral. here is to letting the sore spot express and to being naked in my heart and allowing my real self to be seen. this is the blue story. no more hiding inside the persona, the priestess, the anxiety narrative, or whatever the encasing may be. no more false refuge here. i can feel this much more than explain it. i feel grateful and lucky and i feel myself becoming a glow worm. the glow worm is here. this reality we are in now will be very different in the next eight years. i don’t talk about it much because i am gestating on it all, still, but what came to me last night was a feeling of shedding and walking into the darkness. facing the dark night of the collective soul. after facing the dark night of my own soul for so many years, i feel legit prepared and at the same time it is never easy, as the creature wants comfort and peace, happiness and ease. may i be at ease with this walk into the dark night. may i be at ease with this shedding. may i learn to be at ease with what i am not at ease with. keeping it simple is how i wish to roll. nothing extravagant or elusive. nothing too tall or too old that wreaks of loyalty to old kingdoms. and now in my brain, i just see snow. shhhhh. get dressed, don’t proclaim so much little turtle. a soft voice streams in with the snow of winter, the dark wet soil speaking to the the little seed telling me i need quiet to grow…

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