free flow #12

i dreamed of swimming with dolphins last night, in the sea. at one point i was sitting up on some bank thing and a dolphin rose up from the waters to allow me to pet him/her/it. was amazing because i got really scared last night about this country and the shadow realm we are walking through with our new president. fear of terrible things happening that have happened in the past. fear of death and violence and all of it, i don’t need to name it, we know, we know, we hold one another hands and hearts, we know. some hearts are sinking and some are rising to the call. some are doing both at the same time, like mine. the dolphins came to me and gave me a treasure of hope and love, letting me know we are not going to let it happen this time. it will be different this time, i can feel it and that no matter what, this is life’s journey. maybe not the personal privileged goals and dreams version stemming from capitalist conditioning and maybe not the shire where all humans deserve to play like innocent creatures. i get that eden is far far away in a land that never existed minus in the hearts of children. hearts of children. but you know, children can be mean. they were to me. no better than adults. no more pedestals. no more one dimensional viewpoints. no more idealized shock because i cannot digest that this is happening. i don’t mean this to be harsh. it’s not. it’s more like, this shit has been happening all along, way before this election. it’s old as fuck and systemic as fuck and rampant as fuck and right now pandora’s box just got busted wide open by thieves in the shadowy night we ran from as children and suppress as adults and all such psychological aspects living their activity in the collective psyche. jumble the words. hide the content in shlepping attitudes, hide behind your cherry lip gloss, find refuge in the false things like booze and sex and money and drugs and clothes and fantasy land and ambition. i will send you love in a post card from the island of true refuge, naked and raw, dolphins and all. i say this to me and me is you. i say this to you and you is me. the meandering sentiments roll out of me like fog on this cancer moon morning where i here her words telling me all is not lost. i listened endlessly to crosby stills and nash last night. that’s right i am a hippie and not ashamed to say i stand for peace and love but i shave the hair on my body and i don’t get to be young and singing to a guitar all hours of the night anymore. the making fun of personas, whatever. i am somebody people hate persona-wise. a vegan, people hate vegans. never mind the fact i am doing this cause i care about the humane treatment of animals. i get it though, nobody likes self righteousness. me neither. i am careful to play the middle flute, to open like a flute, to carry the songs of flutes. to flute out, man. to flute out. i am getting weird with my words to lighten the load to evaporate the fear to open my heart to the shadow walk to be a loving being like a light when all lights might go out. home, i dunno. stay on the hill? now that i wrote my paper on displacement i have tossed out the story but he said it’s a sacred vision and maybe i hold on to the glory? i dunno. i am rolling stone, or a rolling pearl rather. here me meow or something. i dunno. i am minimizing. i am writing without thinking. true streaming of consciousness feels so good, so very good, to let go of the structure and seriousness, to let out the pook. these are crazy times….

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