free flow #11

so many emotions and moods coming and going at rapid pace right now with the race won and the parallel reality coming undone and all the stuff going on in my own life. i keep rolling like a rolling stone in the ocean through every feeling and mood. most inspiring interview with dan yesterday. listening to his memories of capitol hill made me wanna cry even though in my mind i was a cool mountain breeze. then awakened an old dream of integration on the hill. a way for community to build and come together. he brings this out in me. an inspiration i feel in his presence. cause soon after i left it deflated and i fell back into feeling displaced. why? i seek stars. i seek light. i seek to find others as passionate as me to innovate the system. i seek creative adaptive challenges born from the broken heart. my heart was broken so long ago. by the time i was nine i was cussing like a trucker. it’s the way of this realm and the law of this land currently to feel the breaking of the heart to let the light come in. sat in the corporate atrium after the inspiring interview and ate a salad as my feelings deflated. all around me business as usual, business suits, starbucks. the usual. all around me the flatlands of the collective soup. disconnect. i come back home and become obsessed with researching the native roots of this land. the duwamish people who still are not recognized by our government as a tribe. the treaty passed in 1855 that the settlers did not live up to. chief seattle a benevolent man and his daughter, princess angeline who sits in my heart like stone right now. they did not go to live with other tribes on other reservations. she became christian and lived in a shack by the sound among the newly growing pike place market. this. punctures my heart with light. she let people photograph her for a dollar. and her sweet father, he protected the european settlers and taught them how to live with the land. he protected them from the very war the settlers caused to make the natives fight against one another when the treaty wasn’t honored. he was loving to the end. they took advantage of him and they let him live in seattle proper, after kicking out the rest of the natives from their homeland. the power of place. seattle is named after him. princess angeline is buried on capitol hill. i feel her. i need to visit her grave. i am moved into silence where many feelings dance at once in a grand ballroom. sorrow, hope, faith, love, fear, worry, confusion, inspiration. all the of the above. this is all going into a conflict paper i am writing….somehow. somehow i must land this stormy chaos into nine pages of order. somehow i must make intellectual sense of this for graduate school. somehow i must make the bridge. angeline made the bridge. she took after her father. i take after my father too. this land is feeling more like home to me as the years go by and i don’t know if i will leave it. seattle, i am in love with you.

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