maybe i will name them all free flow number from now on because it’s cool to see how high of a number i will reach and free flow’s gonna feel good no matter what. what a day. twelve hours at school. began with almost throwing my back out. scary could barely walk to the car of my cohort mates. cass did energy work on me and out came sharp painful confusing tears of grief and fear. not all of it my own. fear of never seeing my family again. fear of war. fear for the loss of all safety. fear for my people. fear for the nightmare. convulsions tears like drum beat. i need to hear a drum beat. i am listening to a drum beat right now. it feels so fucking good. i want to tenderize the earth. sasquatch. power. passion. lust for what it good but lust nonetheless. creature love. saliva love. merging until we trade places love. this could be our last night. star blazing love. and yet there i was, soft as water. her name is briah. she comes from the blue hue indigo. she comes from another realm. indigo child. child child child. remembering different parts of my childhood. the imagination always active. it feels like me. me me me me me. me is bigger than the way we see me. me is she is he is divine is ripe for the picking. pick me pick me! eager and gushing. and yet, as soft as water. soft and slow and no you cannot take this from me, shadow. enter me shadow. come back to the light of love. i need a man with a slow hand. i need a lover with an easy touch. i want somebody who will spend some time, not come and go in a heated rush. i need a lover who will understand. loving my body is hard when all this election stuff happened. gaping wide heart took too much in. mania happened. gosh golly when it does i cannot seem to stop it. maybe next time i will. at least all i do with it is love and write and watch stevie knicks videos and sing loud and oh how i still wish to sing louder. do not let him take your happiness away from you. do not let him take the sweetness of life in the small moments. do not let him take away your love of strawberries in the summer or the way her skin feels or how the tree shades you on a hot day or any of that, do you hear me? i come from an old world where the same shit went down. this time it will be different. i know it in my soul of souls in my heart of hearts. alex, her words, they are golden droplets and i want to catch them all. today so many golden nuggets fell from her lips that made big complex intellectual things turn into eatable fruits that make sense to the heart. she is a translator, poet, and tender of the heart combined. attachment styles and bringing in parts. this morning his mourning. my blue water. his crane. her huntress. her champion. her underworld eater. our alive alive alive beautiful beings. he can’t take this away! he cannot take this away. the fierce red needs the cool blue. i have to find a new thread. the words jumping from the page alive. continual dreams of embodying my paper. i am already sweating with passionate fever. goo-night.