friday night feeling good ramble…

listening to robby roberston’s song, ghost dance…for the millionth time. i keep switching between that, gangsta’s paradise by coolio, and don’t dream it’s over by crowded house. these are medicine songs. i couldn’t tell you why. spent the day in the university district and really enjoyed myself. went to go look at a studio that i never looked at when i saw that is right next to a new construction site, probably one of those huge new apartment complexes. the funny part was that the studio sat right above a vegan bodega. how perfect is that? and just to make it better, a great cafe and yoga studio are right across the street. i am talking oldish school cafe and yoga studio. it’s like the old capitol hill. i am falling backwards in time. wound up sitting in the cafe that back in the day was named cafe roma. that’s when we smoked cigarettes and drank endless cups of coffee, wrote poetry in notebooks, and mixed talk about our suffering into metaphysical magic. today, seventeen years later, i am sitting in the same cafe alone and it’s called cafe on the ave. no cigarettes and coffee is replaced with roobios tea. i still have my notebook and pen and staring at a huge beautiful piece of abstract chaos art (my favorite!) i want to take a picture of it but students are underneath messing up the shot, so i just gaze into it and let my mind unwind. relief to escape form for a while. this was after browsing the university book store’s bargain fiction section and finding a treasure! it’s called a tale for the time being by ruth ozeki. i am in love with it already. i loved sitting alone in the crowded cafe buzzing with life, reading and writing, staring into art, incognito. i did not even care that my back was facing people. four older men and women were playing speed chess beside me. romance. it never gets old. out came some more of the myth story into my journal. it involves the mantis creatures. i posted pictures on instagram and texted with a friend. simple joy on friday night, forcing myself to stay alone to find balance again. i did this thing while walking that i do from time to time, where i keep paying attention to the present moment feeling and allow my instincts to guide me, instead of trying to figure out where to go next based upon my mind. i used to do this in new york city all the time and get led to the coolest places and i met some interesting people too. when you do this you wind up exactly where you need to be. this is the reason we meditate, to be in the present. if i can be in the present without meditating, i don’t need to meditate. i think i can make this happen says twelve year old magical me. i am tired of having so many habits to keep up. need more time for the creative flow. giving myself one night of synchronistic creativity felt so good after weeks of left brain research paper activity. i am learning how…to jump from left to right. to write from both brains. to leap onto new lily pads. frog medicine. by being present and not figuring out where to eat something cheap for dinner, i wound up at orange king and loved the seventies decor. couldn’t believe tofu stir fry was only nine bucks. god it felt good to be somewhere unfamiliar. poor girl’s travel plans, when you can’t afford a trip out of the country, head to another district. get into the unfamiliar. wander. walking through the campus at night put me in a state of rapture. it doesn’t take much. the way the orange diffuse lights look against the thick black night, the large dignified buildings silently sitting in place….a warm breeze….kids making weird animal sounds, red blinking lights on the bikes of a gaggle of security guards…the big courtyard made of.. bricks? made me miss some other time and place in antiquity. i wish i could live on that campus in a dorm room in the corner of of tall building, hiding away or living off some grant. i enjoy the feeling of being on a beautiful college campus, i admit it. there’s alota guilt down in there for liking what i like. hello, guilt, would you like some licorice tea? you really should see my one track mind in action. being one tracked can make things happen. once this mind is made up change occurs all at once, like a storm! but i best not be arrogant. the winds of change are blowing in a shadowy collective direction. it’s partially a positive thing to be used to that. it would be nice to be strong for a reason and not because of expecting the worse. i mean, whenever a worst case scenario actually happens i know exactly what to do. i got this. though you never know when something radiant and bright will shine in from out of nowhere…and just like that, you get what you’ve always needed.

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